PROFESSOR BLACK: PART TWO!
by Annabel de Lioncourt
Summary: the much wanted sequel to my most reveiwed story. this one is funnier, inclueds more pranks, is longer and not to mention guest apearences by harry and friends, an evil Dobby and tonks and lupin. Rated T for referenses but not bad, i'm just paranoid.R R!


**The sequel to "Professor Black" partly dedicated in part to sharlie25 because they wanted a sequel for it. My cousin and I came up with the idea that Umbridge should show up again, but I wrote the whole thing. To clear up confusion, in this Fred and George are in their seventh year, and Harry, Hermione, and Ron are in their sixth year. During the summer between book 5 and 6, all the battles and stuff took place so now everyone can live happily ever after :D and Sirius can teach. I think if I do more sequels I'll have to ditch some random teacher so Lupin can take a job at the school there too, just cause I love him so much. So for now, here's the next part of "Professor Black" this can be taken as a one shot, but if you read that one, and "An Order Meeting" things will make more sense. **

**DISCLAIMER**_**: I OWN NOTHING IF I DID I WOULD NOT BE A FAN AND THEREFORE NOT ON FANFICTION.**_** Oh and I don't own the jokes pulled out of ppp.**

Dumbledore looked at the students who had worried looks on their faces.

"I must tell you with much regret that starting tomorrow and ending this, Ms. Dorles Umbridge will be inspecting each of our classes, not all of you will be affected by this. She will not be a permanent figure in the school, only once a year due to an agreement between me and the new minister of magic. I expect you all on your best behavior children…" he gave a pointed look at Snape and Sirius. "…And fellow professors." Both looked down with ashamed faces, or so it appeared, but Sirius gave Snape a sharp kick under the table, which led to hushed bickering 'I didn't do anything' 'yes you did' and McGonagall clearing her throat with a very loud "Hmm Hmm", making the two stop, thinking that it was Umbridge.

"Any way…" Dumbledore continued "The house with the best rating inspection will be awarded an extra fifty house points." Harry, who was now the Gryffindor captain, got upset, half the house points came from games, and they didn't even have the first match yet, if they lost this inspection thing, they would have to win the first three games to get back to first place.

The students all filed out the doors of the great hall, followed by the teachers. Sirius went up to his room, and opened an old trunk. It was his school trunk from back in the marauder days. He rooted through it pulling out various things that looked like nothing but harmless old pieces of junk.

"Hmm…darkness powder…no, that's not fun…exploding cauldrons…have a plan for those already," he said with an evil smile, "Dissapearing ink quills- nearly made Moony fail his OWLS with those….YES!!!" he took out a dusty jar and blew it off. The label on it read: _Bloodhound Flies, track down your enemies_. He opened it long enough for just one to come out. He tested them

"Severous Snape" he said, the fly zoomed out of his chamber. One fly was only enough to annoy the wits out of someone until they managed to squish it. However a whole swarm was enough to chase a person for miles. It took him a lot of will power not to set them all loose on Snivellous then and there but the look on Umbridge's face while being chased out of the school by them would be too great to pass up. He put the jar on mantle above the fireplace along with a caged… furry thing…he wasn't sure exactly what it was but when he helped Hagrid stop it from terrorizing the Hippogriff stable, it tried to maul anyone who came near it. For some reason, it scared the day lights out of Hagrid, who was usually fond of deadly and dangerous creatures; that meant it _had_ to be bad.

_Speaking of people who are fond of dangerous creatures…_ he thought tossing a handful of floo powder into the flames

"Tonks!" he called, looking into the flames he only saw the floor of the bedroom "EARTH TO TONKS AND MOONY ARE YOU THERE!!!" he heard angry muttering from the other side of the room

"I'm going to kill him..."

"Aw, don't hurt my cousin. Yours too, you realize your now on the Black family tree?"

"Don't remind me." Came the grumbling voice of his best friend, Tonks came up to the fireplace.

"Sirius this better be important." Tonks had pulled a bath robe on and was holding it tight around her.

"Am I interrupting something, which I hope I am?"

"Git. And do you really want to know?" Sirius thought for a second, before turning slightly green.

"No, I don't."

"Fine then, since you don't want to know I'll tell you: yes you were interrupting a _very_ good night. Remus and I are still on our honeymoon you know." Sirius _swore_ to them that he wouldn't bother them, but then again this was Sirius, and he was as like to keep his word as Voldemort was to start taking Irish dance classes. Which would be quite hard since he's dead. (A/N: _**FINALLY**_ like how many times did they have to kill him???)

"MOONY! _What_ have you been doing to my baby cousin!!!"

"Nymph, tell him to go away." Was the reply from the other side

"So, Sirius, what d'you want?" Tonks asked.

"I need help-" Tonks laughed

"I'll say you do-"

"Shut up. No, I need Auror help-"

"Dear God, if you killed Snivellous I'm _not_ bailing you out. I helped you out of your 'mass murderer' accusation, if you really did do him in, I am _so_ not pitying you."

"Just listen to me!!! The foul Umbridge b**** is here again. I need you to help me get a few centaurs in the school."

"Why do you need auror help for that?" Lupin was now beside Tonks in the fireplace looking _quite _agitated.

"Because Dumbledore told me if he catches me out in the forest again, he'll move my office out there." Sirius said. It did sound like a retarded and pointless threat. Last time Sirius went out there was to find poison ivy. The green houses didn't have any, since it wasn't a magical plant and after Snape magically reversed Sirius's classroom, so as the desks were all on the ceiling, he wanted revenge. So Sirius went out with gloves on and took poison ivy. With it he snuck into Snape's room during dinner and put it in his clothes (the author would like to apologize for not telling which specific article they were, but this being a _very_ ticked off Sirius, I think you can guess.) Snape was not happy. Anyway, Sirius did have a run in with the spiders and 'a possessed old car' that 'tried to chase him out of the woods' he swore he'd never go in there again.

"Sirius, one of the professors _is_ a centaur, talk to him about it and leave us _alone_."

"_Well…_ Moony what's barking up your tree- _ooohhhh_….." he laughed "Your time of month." A rather stale joke by now, seeing as he used it since their fourth year.

"One more crack like that and I swear I'll go over there, kill Severus myself and frame you… Tonks, I'm going back to bed…" after he left Tonks looked back over to her cousin.

"So, you two having fun?" he asked

"Shut up. But to answer: yes, we were. Now about this Umbridge toad being there…this is what you have to do. Get a quill." She said, Sirius took up a sheet of parchment and a quill. "Okay now write down everything I tell you to. First off when she asks you why you were offered the job-"

"D***IT!!! THE F-ING QUILL WON'T WORK!!!!" he shook it like an angry kid would shake an empty cookie jar. "Oops...It's a Sugar Quill."

"Idiot. Anyway, now…" she told him pure genius. It was brilliant. She'd be storming out after ten minutes! "Sirius, just don't forget to give the fat old toad me and Remus's warm regards."

"I'll try to remember, Nymphie dearest."

"One last thing. IF YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN I WILL HEX YOU INTO A PILE OF BAT DIRT!!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever." Tonks disappeared from the fire place.

_Later_

Sirius had thought at first to ask the portraits where Snape's chambers were, but then thought better, each and every one of them was such a gossip. He ended up asking the first house elf he saw.

"Hey! You with the weird socks!" a queer looking elf strode up to him.

"Professor, good evening, how can Dobby help the Professor?"

"So you're the famous Dobby!" Sirius heard of everything about him. He was especially fond of the pudding incident at the Dursley's. he decided he liked this elf. "Yeah, where is Snape's room?"

"Is sir going to hurt the Potions Master?" he asked

"Hurt him? No, annoy the living h*** out of him, yes."

"Why?" _a bit inquisitive for an elf_…

"He ticked me off."

"How sir?"

"By existing."

"Oh. I thought it was because he gave Headmaster pictures of you and the mermaid." Sirius turned red from anger and embarrassment

"_HE DID WHAT!!!???" _ not R rated pictures but still, being caught red handed making out with a mermaid was…sort of embarrassing…

"Nothing sir." Dobby started walking away

"He doesn't like you, you know." dobby stopped walking away

"Not many people do sir." He replied walking away/ Dobby wasn't a belligerent elf at all, not too many were but what Sirius said next really made him mad.

"He also said you're a little bat-eared bug-eyed twerp who couldn't take on a fly and win." Dobby turned around and shouted

"LET'S GET HIM!!!"

"Here, put this in his room. It will make us both very happy." Sirius handed the elf a covered cage. Dobby went to uncover it. "NO! Don't do that! Just set it in Snape's room. If he asks where it came from tell him-" he was going to tell Dobby to say it was from a pretty green eyed woman who gave her name as Lily, but Sirius wasn't that heartless. So he went for Snape's current rumored girlfriend of sorts. "Emmeline Vance." The Slytherin from their year of school seemed a bit too fond of the potions master. _Part one, finished_

Sirius told the elf to wait there for a moment while he went and got something. He ran up to the Gryffindor common room, then up the stairs.

"HARRY!!!"

"What?!" harry sat up in bed surprised to see his godfather walk in the students dorms at…..he checked the clock, two in the morning.

"SIRIUS BLACK!!! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!!" Ron screamed springing out of bed, still more or less asleep "LEAVE MY SCABBERS ALONE!!!"

"Ron _what_ are you talking about?" Sirius asked him incredulously.

"Oh….uh…sorry mate, bad flashbacks." He said before collapsing back in bed.

"Smart friend you have there." he joked, he liked Harry's friends, but was fond of teasing them.

"What do you want?"

"I need the cloak."

"Not again. Every time you ask for it Snape gets in a near death catastrophe and something blows up and Dumbledore threatens to fire you."

"Please…" he put on a puppy dog face.

"Fine, take it. but if you _don't_ get in trouble and actually pull off something good…Ron, me, and the rest of my friends get credit too."

"What about your girlfriend?"

"HERMIONE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

"Yeah, and that's what Moony said about Tonks, now I call on them and they're-…uh, you're too young to hear about that-"

"What d' ya say about the moon?" Neville asked drowsily

"Go back to bed Neville," Harry said

"What's going on? DID I SLEEP THROUGH ASTRONOMY AGAIN???"

"No, go back to bed," Harry looked over at Neville, who took his word and went back to sleep. "And yes Sirius, he gets credit too if this works."

"Deal." _Part two…_

Sirius ran back to Dobby who was still waiting with the cage, though standing a few feet away from it.

"What's wrong?"

"It growled at Dobby, sir."

"For Merlin's sake, _man_ _up_. Let's go." Sirius took the cage and followed Dobby to Snape's room. Though he had been there before when he put the poison ivy in his clothes, he was pretty sure that he had moved his chamber to someplace else, and he was right. Instead of being above the dungeons in a fairly desolate part of the castle, it was over by the entrance to the Slytherin common rooms.

"You know what to do?"

"Dobby knows sir!" he went in the room and Sirius donned the cloak, following him.

"Professor, sir, a pretty witch stopped by the kitchens tonight and wanted me to give this to you. Emmeline she said her name was." Without a thank you, a tired looking Severus took the cage from Dobby and set it on the nightstand.

Then Sirius and the elf ran out of that room like Fluffy, Aragog and all matter of monsters were behind them. Dobby gave an evil laugh that sounded, frankly, quite scary as they heard Snape screaming and something growling and snarling.

"What did sir have in the cage? A werewolf puppy?" Sirius laughed, he had to remember to ask to babysit on a full moon sometime, that is when Tonks and Lupin had kids.

"No…that was a…I'm not exactly sure what that thing was…"

The next morning Dumbledore told the staff that Snape had been attacked by something and would not be in class that day for inspections once Umbridge got there.

"Professor, I'll take his classes today," Sirius offered. McGonagall looked at him skeptically

"Oddly kind hearted thing for you to do Mr. Black."

"Somehow I feel I owe him. Not that I had anything to do with last night."

"Alright then, Sirius," Dumbledore said "You can take his classes today."

"Wait! I want it to be a surprise to the students, it will be funny to see their reaction, I don't think that would do any harm? Would it?" he sounded innocent enough so that even McGonagall nodded at his simple seeming request.

"I don't see why I'd have to tell the students," Dumbledore said

"Thank you sir" _Part three and four done; now for the next one… to take care of Umbridge… _

Sirius rooted through the drawers in Snape's desk at the front of his classroom. Amongst old photographs of Lily, from before she was going out with James, unopened love letters from Emmeiline Vance, some old pages torn from what looked like a sixth year potions text book, he found the keys to his office.

"Bingo…" unlocking the door to the room in the back of the classroom. The walls of the office were lined with more valuable potion ingredients that couldn't be kept in the class stores because of their rarity or their danger in the wrong hands. One wall though was lined with vials of already made potions including…

"Veritaserum…wolfsbane- that dirty liar! He told Remus there wasn't any left!...draught of living death and…._polyjuice_."

When Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Pavarti, and a couple other Gryffindors entered the dungeon class room, the Slytherins were already at their desks.

"All of you are late, five points from Gryffindor." They heard Snape say as he walked from his office into the main classroom. Under his breath he added "Plus ten points each for having the brains to try and avoid this class" _D***, _thought Sirius, _I sound just like him!!! Ew, this is the last time I do this…_

"Today I believe that Ms. Umbridge will be inspecting our class." _Think of something vile he'd say, no need to look stupid just yet…or…_ "I expect only the best behavior out of the Gryffindors and I'd like to see it from the Slytherins, however the fact that they're Slytherins, I shouldn't expect anything but the worst from them." The Slytherins didn't look like they knew whether to laugh or act ticked off, why was he talking about them like that?

"Professor I think someone's at the door." Malfoy stated,

"Mr. Malfoy I have ears. Five more points from your house for acting smart." The Gryffindors were starting to snicker at this very oddly behaving Snape

"But sir you didin't take any away yet, you can't take away more, if you didn't take any before." This sounded a lot like a line in an old muggle book he read once (as a little kid Sirius read any muggle book he could find just to put off his pureblood mum)

"Ten points then, for pointing out something that Alice of wonderland could have figured out faster." Malfoy turned red in the face as Crabbe and Goyle laughed on either side of him,

"Shut up, you- you- frog eyes for brains." He said unable to think of an insult that made sense. Sirius overheard

"Two more away for a _lousy_ insult." This sent the Gryffindors into a fit of laughter ,the Slytherins glaring at their head of house

"Sir?" Malfoy tried again.

"What now?"

"The door…."

"Oh yes, and one more thing to you."

"yes." He said in a tiny voice.

"One more peep from you in this classroom, and it's five hundred points from your house." Sirius who had been having so much fun taunting his second cousin almost forgot the main purpose of this, tick of Ms. Toad, he opened the door and the games began.

"Professor Severus Snape, I presume?" she asked in her annoying voice.

"Yes." He said dryly. _I remember this one _Umbridge thought.

"I thought you were going to reapply for the dark arts position?"

"Yes."

"And did you get it?" instead of the usually 'Obviously' she got a much different answer

"No freakin' duh, I didn't, why the h*** would I be in this black hole under the castle if I did?"

"Pardon?" Harry and his friends were laughing except for Hermione who seemed to finally notice that it was Sirius, after all neither he, nor Sirius was at the staff tablet that morning.

"_Pardon?"_ he mocked in a high pitched voice

"Excuse me, but are you sassing me Professor Snape?"

"POPPYCOCK!!!"

"Well, if you wouldn't mind telling me a little about the curriculum for this class?

"WIZARD SWEARS!!!

"What?"

"BOTHER!!!"

"Or perhaps you could explain to me the student's progress in here?"

"BAT DIRT!!!" Harry, Ron, and the rest of the Gryffindors were now in complete hysterics, Hermione was starting to crack a smile.

"Do you realize that you're making a complete lunatic of yourself in front of your students?" she demanded in her 'I will have order voice'

"WHY WOULD I CARE? ALL I WANT IS TO GET THE HIDEOUS FREAK OF NATURE TALKING TOAD OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!"

"Well I never!" she turned to the Slytherins her formal inquisitional squad "Is this normal for him?"

"No!" they answered unfortunately the answer was drowned out by a sound of a stampede. Of a good sized heard of horses by the sound of it. Or centaurs…

"That won't work on me, I know that it's a recording." _Darn it_ Sirius thought, he had found an old record player in the room of requirement and was having it play a recording of a stampede

"Yeah, but he's real." He pointed to Frienze, just outside the classroom door, who had a cloak over his shoulders hiding the tell tale hoof mark scar on his chest that would have shown that it was him.

"OH MY!!!" he pawed the ground at his feet, Umbridge ran out the room, past him and didn't stop until she reached the headmaster's office

"Dumbledore, you're not running a school you're running a mad house!"

"Oh, no, you didn't have a run in with Sirius Black?"

"YOU HIRED SIRIUS BLACK!!!

"It was all over the daily prophet I thought you'd have-"

"NO it was not Black! It was your nutcase Professor Snape!" Dumbledore was about to remark on how that was impossible because he was still in the hospital wing but thought better of it. "I will be back to continue class inspections on a later date-"

"Oh good, because I have a couple new additions to the staff that will be joining us before the end of the month, Remus and Nymphadora Lupin-"

"THE WEREWOLF????" _and Nymphadora Lupin? Nymphadora? Isn't she the one from the auror office, I thought she was on vacation- …vacation! She took off to marry a half breed!!!…I must get Ms. Skeeter over here to speak wither her and explain this scandal._ She thought to herself

"Yes, madam, that very one, if you don't mind returning, as you said, on a later date so I can get things straightened out with Severus and Sirius."

As Umbridge was leaving the castle, an airplane made of folded parchment hit her in the back of the head. She opened it up and the note read:

"_You know we all hate you? I'd think very hard before returning to this school"_ she looked behind her; and a now changed back to his so hot self Sirius was grinning at her

"I'll see you next time,"

"Is that a threat Mr. Black?"

"Professor Black, "

"Is that a threat _Mr._ Black?" she asked again as he played with a small jar in his hands

"Uh, yeah, it is." He shook his head yes, and Umbridge stormed out of the castle with a desire to return and fire four professors, _Snape, Black, the half-breed and it's mate._ She never heard the buzzing of those bloodhound flies….

_The next day…_

The Daily Prophet

Professor Severus Snape: A madman?

The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, a handful of Slytherins, and Sirius howled with laughter at the next day's headlines, Snape who read the article with shock, looked at Sirius with such hatred and venom, that Dumbledore made Sirius go and take his seat instead of his usual one beside the potions master to avoid any murdering in the great hall. Sirius looked very happy to be in the throne like headmaster's seat and looked down the table to the now VERY angry Snape as he put his feet up on the staff table. " I. Hate. You." Snape mouthed at him. Out the window he could just barely make out the lake, a tail fin broke the surface, _Missi_, he thought to himself, _she'll like to hear about yesterday._

Life was good.

**A/N: well, tell me how you liked it! I'm going to try and write another one sometime soon where Rita Skeeter comes to interview the three new professors, and then one when Umbridge will come back or maybe they'll be the same one. I hope this was good, comedy isn't my usual thing but I really like doing these. Thank you to all who have reviewed and faved me and my stories, it really does a lot for a teen's self esteem to know that their work is valued [tears up] thanks to all! I wish I could give each of you an acceptance letter to Hogwarts! **

**Okay I'm getting too sentimental, I'm out, besides, I've got like, a lot of stories to upload that I've done since I've been gone for- three days. Wow. I have an **_**unhealthy **_**obsession with this site. Oh well I'm not alone. Bye!**

**Oh wait, if you pictured Wild Mike from barnyard when you read about the crazy furry thing good for you, because even though he wasn't my idea when I wrote it, my friends agreed that's what it sounded like "A wild mike with rabies," they called it.**

**Thank you to: sharlie25, for telling me to try a sequel- send me a shout out, my message box is empty; my little cousin for being my first critic; sikanna82 (I think that's her pen name), for not having shot me yet for my HP obsessive-ness.**


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